The day that I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, was the day that I accepted, and believed, that I would live my life with constant panic attacks, depression, and loneliness. I always depended on others to do things for me, such as, talking to a store clerk, ordering for me, and even answering a phone call. I couldn't go anywhere alone (without my mom that is) for fear that someone I didn't know would approach me. I spent the majority of my time in my bedroom alone, and the few friends I had, I seldom hung out with. I was very quiet and awkward, and sadly I convinced myself that there was no hope or cure for my anxiety.
I struggled with my faith when I was younger, I constantly wondered "if there really is a God, then why do I feel like this?" My faith dwindled; I hated going to church, I hated when people would talk about God, I was so full of hate. My mother, who is a strong christian, had the whole family attend church one Sunday morning, I didn't want to be there, and to top it off, it happened to be a Holy ghost service, so my brother and I stood there making fun of all of the "strange" people worshiping God. An usher came over a motioned for me to come to him, I thought I was in trouble so I resisted. Thankfully the usher was persistent, and I went with him. Without a single word said to me, he brought me to the pastor, who was going around laying his hands on people. The pastor took my head into his hands, and then the most awesome, indescribable, feeling came over me. It was the feeling of love, warmth, fullness, and joy that overcame my body. I fell over (the usher was behind me to catch me and laid me on the floor) and I just laid there and felt all my hate melt away and I began to cry, it was so amazing.
After that day I improved with my anxiety by leaps and bounds. I sought help from my mother who gave me a great piece of advice, when I begin to feel panicked or anxious, instead of letting it spiral out of control, pray. So I did. Eventually I did things, with Gods help, that I thought I could never do. I answered phone calls and made my own appointments, I began to enjoy meeting new people, and I began to hang out with my friends every opportunity that I could. I have done some public speaking, and currently, I am working on joining my church's praise and worship team as a female vocalist.
Since then my faith in God has grown so much, and is still growing. Without God, there would have been darkness and hopelessness, I was trapped in a prison cell of anxiety, but God opened the door for me, and is giving me so many opportunities. My life wouldn't make sense without Him, I am a daughter of God, and I am free from my anxiety.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Your sister in Christ,
Kendall
Recently God has been showing me how valuable I really am. I used to constantly feel ashamed of the mistakes I've made in my past, I never thought I was worthy of Godly friends, or a Godly future husband. I used to believe that no one would want me. That is a huge lie that I believed from the enemy; God does not want us to believe that we are worthless! Because of God's love and grace, he gives us second chances, he gives us new opportunities! We are so loved by our Father, so don't ever think that you are not worthy of God's best for you. YOU are a child of God, and YOU are loved.
